Words that shape our reality

We've all heard the saying since were children:

Sticks and stones may break my bones,

but words will never hurt me.

You know what?  The people who quoted that supposed axiom to us lied.  That's right. They lied...right to our faces.  Now I'm sure they didn't think they were lying. I'm sure that they felt they were trying to toughen us up, to let us know that what other kids say to us on the playground should just bounce right off of us.  But the sad truth of the matter - the real truth of the matter - is that words DO impact us.  Words shape our reality of who we are, of the world in which we live, of the nature of our relationships with family and friends.

If a young girl is told she's ugly, or too fat, or not worth as much as a boy, it should be no surprise to us that she grows up to marry someone who is abusive...someone who continues to tell her the "truths" that she's been told all her life.

If a young boy is told he's weak, not fast enough, not good enough, or too stupid, it should be no surprise to us that he grows up and tries "looking for love in all the wrong places" as the song goes, or in all the wrong ways, or with all the wrong people.

What's true for individuals is just as true for congregations.  A church that has the reputation of being a "clergy killer" will, more often than not, live into that reality, and will work through a whole string of short-term pastoral relationships, most of which end badly.  A church that has the reputation of being innovative in worship and risk-taking in mission involvement will, more often than not, continue to live "on the edge," always willing to try new things, new ways, new avenues of service.

And what is true for individuals and for congregations is just as true for presbyteries. Since even before coming here two years ago, I heard things such as:

·      That presbytery is dysfunctional.

·      People don't trust each other in that presbytery.

·      Meetings can devolve into chaos, and folks are mean to each other even on the floor of Presbytery.

As with most descriptive phrases that people use about others, there are kernels of truth in the above statements.  I've seen evidence of times and places where those things have happened, and heard stories from people who have been deeply hurt by what others have done and said in our Presbytery.  However, I've learned over the years that we do not have to be enslaved by things we have experienced and been told in the past.  We have a choice in how we move forward.  We ALWAYS have a choice.

Five years ago this past Wednesday I made the decision to have gastric bypass surgery. Other than marrying the amazing woman I did, this was the best and most life-changing decision I've ever made.  Now, it's not magic.  As one of my doctors told me before surgery, "This surgery is just a tool.  It's the best tool we have at our disposal, but it's just a tool."  Each day I still make the decision to change the "tapes" I lived with and heard most of my life.  Each day I try to remember that I have a choice in how I move forward.

So, if this Presbytery isn't what you need, then step up and change things.  If you've experienced hurt here, go and seek and/or offer forgiveness; be healed and move on, rather than holding on and nursing that hurt.  If the Presbytery "isn't what it used to be" back in whatever "good ol' days" you remember, then what needs to happen to make this a healthy, exciting, nurturing place to be, and how can you contribute to the needed movement of things in those directions?

Despite some of the things I'd heard about this Presbytery that might have discouraged me from considering a call from God to come here, there are other things I heard and observed:

·      This Presbytery is willing to step out in faith and try a new way of being a Presbytery.

·      The initial people I met with during the two days of interviews when I first came here were, without exception, people of integrity, of compassion, of faith, of commitment, of vision.

·      During the two Presbytery meetings this past May, people handled major issues well, were able to express differing viewpoints while maintaining good order, and even volunteered in different ways to help us move forward.

We can continue to wring our hands and repeat the tired old mantras: we're dysfunctional, we're mean, we don't trust each other.  Or we can choose different ways to view ourselves.  And how we view ourselves, and the words we use to describe who we are and how we function together as a community of Christ's disciples, will continue to mold and shape how we live with each other as followers of Jesus and sisters and brothers of one another.

We have a choice in how we move forward.  We ALWAYS have a choice.