We've all heard the saying since were children:
Sticks and stones may break my
bones,
but words will never hurt me.
You know what? The
people who quoted that supposed axiom to us lied. That's right. They lied...right to our
faces. Now I'm sure they didn't think
they were lying. I'm sure that they felt they were trying to toughen us up, to
let us know that what other kids say to us on the playground should just bounce
right off of us. But the sad truth of
the matter - the real truth of the matter - is that words DO impact us. Words shape our reality of who we are, of the
world in which we live, of the nature of our relationships with family and
friends.
If a young girl is told she's ugly, or too fat, or not worth
as much as a boy, it should be no surprise to us that she grows up to marry
someone who is abusive...someone who continues to tell her the
"truths" that she's been told all her life.
If a young boy is told he's weak, not fast enough, not good
enough, or too stupid, it should be no surprise to us that he grows up and
tries "looking for love in all the wrong places" as the song goes, or
in all the wrong ways, or with all the wrong people.
What's true for individuals is just as true for
congregations. A church that has the
reputation of being a "clergy killer" will, more often than not, live
into that reality, and will work through a whole string of short-term pastoral
relationships, most of which end badly.
A church that has the reputation of being innovative in worship and
risk-taking in mission involvement will, more often than not, continue to live
"on the edge," always willing to try new things, new ways, new
avenues of service.
And what is true for individuals and for congregations is
just as true for presbyteries. Since even before coming here two years ago, I
heard things such as:
·
That presbytery is dysfunctional.
·
People don't trust each other in that
presbytery.
·
Meetings can devolve into chaos, and folks are
mean to each other even on the floor of Presbytery.
As with most descriptive phrases that people use about
others, there are kernels of truth in the above statements. I've seen evidence of times and places where
those things have happened, and heard stories from people who have been deeply
hurt by what others have done and said in our Presbytery. However, I've learned over the years that we
do not have to be enslaved by things we have experienced and been told in the
past. We have a choice in how we move
forward. We ALWAYS have a choice.
Five years ago this past Wednesday I made the decision to
have gastric bypass surgery. Other than marrying the amazing woman I did, this
was the best and most life-changing decision I've ever made. Now, it's not magic. As one of my doctors told me before surgery,
"This surgery is just a tool. It's
the best tool we have at our disposal, but it's just a tool." Each day I still make the decision to change
the "tapes" I lived with and heard most of my life. Each day I try to remember that I have a choice
in how I move forward.
So, if this Presbytery isn't what you need, then step up and
change things. If you've experienced
hurt here, go and seek and/or offer forgiveness; be healed and move on, rather
than holding on and nursing that hurt.
If the Presbytery "isn't what it used to be" back in whatever
"good ol' days" you remember, then what needs to happen to make this
a healthy, exciting, nurturing place to be, and how can you contribute to the
needed movement of things in those directions?
Despite some of the things I'd heard about this Presbytery
that might have discouraged me from considering a call from God to come here,
there are other things I heard and observed:
·
This Presbytery is willing to step out in faith
and try a new way of being a Presbytery.
·
The initial people I met with during the two
days of interviews when I first came here were, without exception, people of
integrity, of compassion, of faith, of commitment, of vision.
·
During the two Presbytery meetings this past
May, people handled major issues well, were able to express differing
viewpoints while maintaining good order, and even volunteered in different ways
to help us move forward.
We can continue to wring our hands and repeat the tired old
mantras: we're dysfunctional, we're mean, we don't trust each other. Or we can choose different ways to view
ourselves. And how we view ourselves,
and the words we use to describe who we are and how we function together as a
community of Christ's disciples, will continue to mold and shape how we live
with each other as followers of Jesus and sisters and brothers of one another.
We have a choice in how we move forward. We ALWAYS have a choice.
