The other victims of depression and suicide

This past August 11 comedian and actor Robin Williams committed suicide.  Most of us were shocked that someone who had such wealth, such an apparently happy family, such a full life would take his own life.  Most of us were shocked that someone who made so many others find joy apparently could not find enough joy within himself to sustain his own life.  Many knew that he battled with depression and with substance abuse, but his suicide came as a surprise to everyone.

Many comments were made in the news and ubiquitously on the internet about the joy his humor brought to their lives.  He had a way with words, with actions, with expressions, with his smile that just made us feel good.  Many expressed their sense of loss at his death.  Many expressed gratitude for his life, and many others expressed a sense of relief that his suffering from depression was now ended, and that he was at peace.

One of the positive things that came from his widely-publicized affliction with depression was the opportunity for people to urge others to seek help if they were battling with that horrible mental illness.  It seemed that the website of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline was suddenly plainly in view (http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/), and people were urged to call the national 800 number for help:  (800) 273-TALK (273-8255).  I am grateful that such information became so readily available and visible.

Depression is largely an invisible illness.  People who so often seem intelligent, stable, productive, loving, compassionate, insightful, and emotionally "together" often struggle silently and in secret with depression.  If Robin Williams' suicide brought this to our attention, then I am grateful.

However, what was not made visible, and what remained unspoken and unpublished (at least in the press and online) was that there are victims when people commit suicide... beyond just the person who ended their own life.  Family members are affected in ways that are profound, and they are affected for the rest of their lives... and their unique "battle" often is also invisible, with suffering done in secret.

I know.  My Mom took her life when I was 10 years old.  My two older sisters had moved away from home to get married within 6 months of each other.  The one most recently married had written home to say that she had just gotten pregnant.  Mom had been hospitalized at least twice that I remember, with what I much later found out was severe depression.  I cannot begin to imagine even now, and I of course had no method or reason to comprehend when I was only 10, how greatly she must have suffered, how much pain she must have been in for her to conclude that death was preferable.  And I cannot help but think that if she would have been able to see beyond her own pain to see us, the members of her family, she would never have committed suicide.  The pain we suffered was excruciating, and was intense for years.  I still miss the fact that I didn't have my Mom when I was growing up... when I was in plays and concerts in high school... when I was graduated from college... when I was ordained... when I got married... when I had children... when I now have a grandson of my own.  If Mom only could have seen.  But, of course, she couldn't see any of that.  That is the nature of depression... and of many other mental illnesses.

If you are suffering from depression, take a risk.  Reach out.  Call someone: your pastor, a friend, a counselor, or the 800 number above.  If you are someone who lost a family member or close friend to suicide, then you reach out, too.  People care, more than you imagine.